Me: Tamara, Tammie, Tam... I am a Christian, and I believe the bible from cover to cover. I am a daughter: the only child to Tony and Libbie Cooper. To my angel mom I attribute my creativity and decorating style and to and my dad (who is 73 and doing great) I learned to "never assume" and "a man is only as good as his word". I am wife to a kind man who has taught me the meaning of true love in our since we started dating May 17, 1986 and especially since we wed on October 26, 1991. I am mom-e to three beautiful girls (20, 18 and 15) who are each so incredibly talented. I am a friend, a therapist, a ,reader, a shopper, an occasional cook, a teacher, a laundress, a maid, a taxi driver, an organizing super-star, a planner,a critic and now a blogger! After much consideration over what I should blog about, I decided I couldn't decide! So, here it is... TAM SO RANDOM! My ramblings over this and that and everything in between. Hope you enjoy!

Thursday, October 30, 2014

RaNDoM THouGHT #2

Random Thought of the Day:
To be a mom is to know true love and unrelenting guilt.

Motherhood changed me like I never would have imagined or would have believed years ago. In my experience, there are two feelings that go hand in hand with motherhood.  One I discovered very early as a new mommie.  The other I experience daily, but it wasn't until recently that I've been able to put it into words.

Twenty years ago my first little baby girl was born on a blistery March day.  Two days later, my husband carefully buckled our little bundle in the backseat beside me.  As he drove us home and I looked down at the most perfect little person in the world, I had a revelation that probably most new mother's can relate to.  Tears began to roll down my face as I realized that life was never going to be the same because I LOVED this little creation so totally and completely with an overwhelming kind of love... I was never going to be the same.  The feeling of love was like nothing I had felt before.  It wasn't like being "in love".  It was like being consumed by a love of such intensity that it literally frightened me.  I created life, and I was a new creation!

Now, for the second most common feeling that comes with being a mother... GUILT.  Guilt is an emotion and is both a cognitive and emotional experience.  It occurs when a person realizes or believes -accurately or not- that he has compromised his own standards of conduct or violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.  Our first week home with our little one guilt introduced himself to me in a big way.  I felt him when I wasn't holding K, when she wouldn't breastfeed, when I gave her a pacifier and resorted to a swing to calm her, when I fell asleep from total exhaustion, and when she cried.  When I had to return to work 5 months after she was born I condemned myself for having to leave her and go to work.  Over the years and two more girls added to our happy little family guilt and I have become quite close.  When I went into labor with our 2nd baby, I hugged our almost 2 year old and felt unbelievably guilty for having another baby!  Guilt has come knocking at my door so many times over the years... when we left our girls for a date night, when I got sick, when I didn't have food in the house they wanted, when I couldn't get for them what they wanted, when I let them cry in their crib, when someone else was ugly to them... the list goes on and on and on.  I've homeschooled for 9 years and I feel guilty for doing that sometimes.  I feel guilty for working part-time.  I feel guilty for not making home-cooked meals often.  I feel guilty for not being everything (or at least be able to provide everything) my girls need every moment of every day.

But then I go back to LOVE and God reminds me that I'm not perfect but I am loved perfectly.  He trusted me with these girls.  He graciously lent them to my husband and I fully knowing we would make mistakes but also knowing that we would LOVE them, not with a perfect love but a human one that is as close to knowing the love that God holds for each of us... His children.  I thank God for showing me a small glimpse of what he feels for me.  I ask him to help me with those feeling of guilt and shame because I know that I am a forgiven, alive and blessed beyond measure mother.

I wonder if "Carolina" the horse feels guilty for going to work?



Saturday, October 25, 2014

RaNDoM THouGHT #1

Random Thought of the Day:  
Gay men make great friends to straight women.

What makes gay men so appealing to women?  What makes my 20 year old daughter say she wished she had a gay best friend?  I think first it is important for me to say that I do believe that homosexuality is a sin.  The bible says so, and I believe the bible.  I do not wish to debate this.  If you disagree with me, then probably neither of us will change the other's mind.  I will also interject that I believe numerous other things are sinful, but my job is not to judge.  I will instead make a few observations pertaining to straight women and gay men.

A few evenings ago while vacationing with my family in Charleston, SC my husband ventured into a store to make touring arrangements.  I decided to run into a little store called the PINK DOT.  Within moments I was greeted by a little black man complete with stripped tee, scarf and painted nails.  He was genuinely friendly as he showed me around the store which specialized in make-up and skin care products. After only about 5 minutes I'm sitting in a chair allowing this man to shape my eyebrows, fill them in, show me foundation and an array of skin care products.  I got up looking like a new woman.  As I had my mini-makeover each of my three girls entered at various times and my new friend was introduced to them and he had compliments for each of them.  Was he a good salesman.... yes!  I bought products I wasn't in the market for and had not intended to buy.  I think I am going to enjoy the products, but would I have made the purchase if a woman had helped me... I doubt it.  

I was thinking of all this after I left with my purchase, and I think I figured it out.  Women have been taught by our culture that we have to compete with each other to be the prettiest, the skinniest, the most fashionable, have the nicest house and the most handsome husband... etc.  Even with our best friends, unfortunately this is often times an underlying feeling. It's a real shame, but it's true.   In high school I had a friend who I was sure purposefully tried to talk me into things (hair and fashion related)  to make me more unattractive.  Why?  Because the more unattractive her friend was, the more attractive she became!  We were going out.  We would hopefully see boys, and my friend wanted to be noticed over me.  However, when a woman befriends a gay man (not that I have loads of experience here) there is no competition.  The woman gets a friend without the threat of competition to get in the way.  When I was getting my little makeover I didn't feel ashamed of my eyebrows, my skin tone, my weight, my hair color or anything else.  I just felt pampered and in NO WAY threatened as would have been highly possibly if a straight man had been doing my makeup. 

To conclude, although I don't agree with a gay man's lifestyle I can love him because Christ loves me... a fellow sinner.  I can also better understand after my visit to the Pink Dot why a girl might enjoy a gay male best friend instead of a "girlfriend" who turns friendship into a competition or a "boyfriend" who says, "I love you" but really means, "I want to control and own you."

Now, that was random! Right?
My Pink Dot purchase.  Maybe I should have blogged about why a gay man makes a great salesperson!